A Birth Mother's Love
69
The snowfall was heavy like a blanket the January night you were born. Your uncles shoveled for hours while yet another blizzard passed through. Every mile to the small country hospital looked clean and fresh - new and beautiful, like you.
It was the junior year of high school when you were born, not even a month after my seventeenth birthday. The frightened girl wheeled into the maternity ward that night became your birth mother.
Your Grandmother was with me at the hospital for a little while, but it was very hard for her to stay. Your father wasn't much older than I and he had left us months ago. So I was much alone when you arrived at 2:37 in the morning.
I thanked God you were healthy. I had prayed constantly for your health. Only once did I get to hold you, counting your fingers and your toes. Stroking your headful of hair. Afraid of drowning you in my tears. Praying desperately you would somehow know how much I loved you. Knowing I had to let you go because I loved you so honestly.
Your new parents allowed a few precious photographs of you to reach me while the adoption was happening. You looked happy and I knew I had to let you be part of their loving family.
Many years have passed, and many blankets of January snow have brought me to tears. You are almost twenty-eight now. Everyday I have thought of you as you face milestones. First steps, first day of school, your first dance, your first car. And so much more. As your birth mother, I have petitioned the Heavens that God would bless you with every good thing in life.
Nothing life has dealt me has broke my heart like releasing you to your family. And after twenty-eight years, I believe it will always be broken for you. What I would give to know you are happy and healthy. To see you. To be forgiven, to heal our hearts.
I love you always, Christopher Scott.
Love, your birth mother
Christopher was born January 8, 1982 in Barron County, Wisconsin and placed for adoption through Lutheran Social Services out of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I am on registries as a birth mother. I realize you may not ever want to see me, and I will accept that. But until I know that to be true, I am hoping we just haven't found each other yet.
If you are considering releasing for adoption
If you have found yourself to be pregnant and the future is frightening and uncertain, I encourage you to contact Lutheran Social Services. They compassionately offered help I could not have obtained on my own. There are counsellors, help with medical care, and options for you and your child. This is a challenging time in your life and others who have been there are willing to help you. God Bless.
Lutheran Social Services Adoption Homepage
- Welcome to the Adoption Programs and Services website at Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and U
lssadopt.org is the web site that features information about the types of programs and services, including domestic and international adoptions, offered by Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan, Inc.
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Hi 2uesday, Through the years I have shared verbally my experience with girls and women who are in a crisis pregnancy situation. Putting the feelings into words was hard, but healing.
Thank you for the kindness. Holly
I wish you the best in meeting Christopher some day. I can feel the pain in your words and know that was a terribly difficult choice to make, yet understandable at that age. Good hub. Thanks for sharing.
This is absolutely beautiful. I hope my childrens' birth parents loved them as much as you love your son.
h.a. borcich, Heartwarming compassionate story! Thank you for sharing the intimacy of childbirth as well as the separation pain from the birth mother's perspective. No doubt you transferred this love to your son while you were carrying him! I pray that you are able to share this with him one day...
In His love, Peace & Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this Hub. Absolutely beautiful. I look forward to reading more of your writings. Take Care :)
be assured.. Christopher will always be thinking of you.
there isn't a day goes by that i don't think about my birth mum, how she is, what she looks like, what my brothers and sisters look like, unlike your son, i was number 5, and one more after me was either adopted out or not, i have no idea yet.. i know i'll find out soon tho. and i have seen one of my sisters.. her daughters did a double take of me, and one looked exactly as my daughter does.. and funnily enough - umm my son, who is now 21 went out with a girl for a few months who i am sure is his cousin.. but he never knew until i told him a few weeks ago. thankfully nothing happened between them tho. :) and since my telling him, he has asked her if she is related this specific woman and she said she is.. it's her grandmother.
that's my birthmother she's talking about
Wow what a beautiful letter to your son. I hope you find each other one day....life is so odd with it's twists and turns...who knows he may read this one day.
Beautifully written.
Words seem inadequate to respond to your story. You sacrificed for your son. Years ago I read the research data on the percentage of children who live in poverty and without education if the mother is unwed and tries to bring up the child alone. I asked myself at that point if I would make such a difficult decision and think of my child instead of me -- if I were in that position. I hope Christopher Scott finds the courage to search and find you one day.
Again crying... It's hard to know which is more difficult.. placing a child at birth, or waiting a year and a half... my heart breaks for every person that has had to endure this and yet rejoices for the family that receives and cherishes that life (or we hope they do). Once again, good luck in your search!
2uesday Level 6 Commenter 2 years ago
When I read this two thoughts come to mind one is for you and I can feel the pain in this of being separated from someone you love very much. The other is that you did what all good mothers' do - you put your child's needs above your own. My thoughts are with you.